Sweet Goodbyes
by HelenItsme
Summary: ‘Call him.’ There is that voice again, nothing you can do to make it stop. More importantly, you know the voice is right, it always is. What to do, listen to your heart or your head? Brooke/Julian one-shot.


**.Sweet Goodbyes.**

Eyes are closed but you're not asleep. Wandering thoughts, drifting unconsciously to everything that's him. Shifting uncomfortably from left to right, you know his thoughts must be on you too. 'Because you share a bond that's even deeper than love', a voice in your head reminds you bitterly. "Whether I'm with you or when I'm miles away, I can and always will feel your presence. Do you know why?"

You had shook your head, eyes locked so desperately with his.

"Because I'm completely and utterly in love with you, Brooke Davis."

His previous words hurt more than you last remembered, making it impossible not letting a few tears stroll down your face. Sticky and wet, slowly sliding down your cheek to your jaw until in makes a dark circle on your pillow.

_Can't sleep cause everything's changing  
You don't want to leave things behind_

_Can't breathe cause too many things going on,  
__going wrong in your life_

Your heart aches for his touch, wanting –needing- him to make you feel special while his rough but soft hand caress your face. 'It was the best thing to do,' you keep repeating it in your head but the once powerful meaning is fading away by the minute. 'You have a life here. Sam has a life here. We had to say goodbye.'

_Tears in your eyes  
Sweet goodbyes_

In one split second your chest is hurting so badly; eyes open wide, the feeling of an enormous pressure on your lungs, no room to breath. You gasp for oxygen, needing it suddenly like when you've just finished your thirty minute jog.

You realise that this isn't working, nothing is working anymore, sleep is deprived, you cannot do this any much longer. Deliberately you lift yourself up from the queen sized bed, feet hit the cold floor, a shiver goes through your whole body.

'Call him.' There is that voice again, nothing you can do to make it stop. More importantly, you know the voice is right, it always is. What to do, listen to your heart or your head?

It doesn't even shock you anymore when your hand reaches for the phone, your fingers touching the numbers automatically, the numbers you will never forget. Time difference doesn't matter, the feeling in your gut tells you he will pick up.

Eight seconds.

Ten seconds.

Fifteen seconds pass.

Then, "hello?"

_I know how you feel right now  
Losing dreams you've come to care about_

Opening your mouth should make it possible to pronounce words, only your throat feels hoarse and nothing comes out. It never costs you so much effort to speak.

The voice repeats itself. "Hello?"

Time passes; seconds, maybe minutes, you don't know. Still no words and you start to feel hot and sweaty. Nothing will surprise you if someone tells you that you are having another panic attack.

You bite your lip when he says your name, knowing this was the moment to say something, to fix your relationship, make it work. Say it, _say it_, come on Brooke!

"Yeah." It comes out as a deep sigh but you haven't feel this relieved in your entire life. The pressure on your lungs is gone, no more empty sensation in your stomach.

"Is something wrong?"

You shake your head no, dark brown hair sweeping in your face. "I just… I needed to hear your voice."

Silence.

"I haven't slept for three days." There was no need to tell him that, you stupidly remind yourself. He probably wants nothing to do with you. Stupid, _stupid_ girl.

Again, you are met with silence. Pressure on your lungs is coming back; shaking hands.

"I know what you need right now." You hear him say suddenly. "I need to come back, so I can hold you tight and rock you to sleep."

_I know what you need right now  
You need to come on home so I can hold you tight_

_Get you through the night  
I'll get you through the night_

"Like you used to." You smile painfully.

"Want to hear a secret?"

His whispery voice makes you shiver. "I can't sleep either."

"Really?"

"Really." He pauses. "I miss you, Brooke."

_Wake up the sun's shining bright lets go out of bed into the light  
Shape up we won't forget still there's lots of love left to hold tight_

_Everything I love between us will get us through the night  
All the things we lost will teach us see the pretty things in life _

"Do you want me to come back?"

The question was blunt but so much like him and it didn't come unexpected at all. A shaky breath leaves your mouth, eyelids close for a second or two, a hand goes trough your hair.

"No."

You hear him gasp, softly and quick but it's there. "Are you sure?"

"I am one hundred percent sure."

He starts babbling, about how you could say that without much thought and that he didn't think you could be so harsh about it all. About how you shouldn't have called him if you didn't want to be with him to begin with, about how lost he is without you and that he wants nothing but to hold you and kiss you and make love to you.

"Julian…"

"What?"

"I love you."

Now the feeling in your stomach is back again, only your head is spinning too. Your heart is about to explode with the rate it is going. Hands are moist, cheeks are turning a slight shade of red.

You wanted to say those three words for so long. They were on the tip of your tongue when you two were saying goodbye at the airport, when he looked you so directly in your eyes he could almost see _trough_ _you_.

"What did you say?"

You smile again, teeth showing, dimples poking in your cheeks. "I love you, I'm _in_ love with you Julian."

"But…" When you close your eyes you can imagine him sitting on his bed, dressed in only his boxers that you gave to him awhile ago, perplexed and astonished.

"You're always on my mind, whether I'm asleep or awake. I want to be with you, there's nothing that I want more."

"Then why did you say…"

You don't care that you interrupt him once more. "I want to go to LA. I want to leave Tree Hill and start a new life with you in LA. I will come to you."

He's silent again, this time it doesn't scare you though.

"We're going to be such a happy family. You, me and Sam." He says after awhile.

"Our house will be so pretty, next to the beach…"

"We can take walks together in the middle of the night…"

"Watch the stars while everyone around us is asleep."

"And, I know a way how to wake them up."

You start to giggle, and it feels so good to feel this way again. "Julian!"

"What? It's not my fault you're always so loud."

The blush creeping up your face doesn't matter anymore, as long as this feeling will never end. Butterflies in your stomach, biting your lip while a smile starts to form.

"When will you be here?"

Standing up, you silently walk to the other room and watch the girl sleep. "I will try to catch a plane tomorrow."

You can almost hear him smile.

"I love you, Brooke Davis."

For the first time in years, it is not hard to repeat the words. "I love you too."

_I know what you need right now  
You need to come on home so I can hold you tight  
I'll get you through the night_

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_(Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill nor the song 'Sweet Goodbyes' by Krezip. Let me know what you think!)_


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